Dear Darlings

Pick-me-ups + reminders of the power of the human spirit

A happy Swedish ivy cutting, a descendant of the famed ivy in the Oval Office dating to the Kennedy administration.

I’ve been away from this space longer than I’d like — and I apologize not for the absence but for the non-explanation. I’m working hard on a memoir, a project that I seeded three years ago this week at a writing retreat in Guatemala. I didn’t know then what I know now, and now I’m actually seeing the finish line. A completed draft by May, she says, crossing those fingers. Then revision! It is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

But I don’t want to leave this field fallow. Enter: Dear Darlings.

A few weeks ago, I sent an email to a small group of friends with the subject line: “Dear Darlings.” It was my way of checking the temperature since Doctor Evil and his lover Elmo blew in like a plague of locusts. I didn’t need to state the obvious — nor do I need to now. But my question then and now is: How can we keep one’s head above the proverbial water in these grimmest, most outrageous of times? Where are you finding the light? Are you finding any light?

“The Book of Delights” by Ross Gay was an initial inspiration. In 2018, Gay, who’s published four books of poetry, endeavored to write a delight for every day of the year written in long hand without worrying about polished prose (this writer’s Achilles heel) but to get these gems on the record before they evaporated.

Gay’s goal: “spend time thinking and writing about delight every day.” I love that goal and aspire to that goal, but here, in this moment, my hope is to document delights and rays of light once weekly.

I keep going back to this idea: We are stronger and mightier together. We need each other more than ever. When one of us has an off day, and there will be many the rest of us can hold down the fort, or hold someone’s hand or be a vessel for a river of tears.

So, in no specific order, here’s what I’ve got from the previous week, a short list of things that brought a little light. And if you’ve got something to share, please do so in the comments. Light begets light. Love begets love. Kindness, the best kind of breadcrumbs. Medicine.

— xokod

• Ron Gallo is a Philadelphia musician who’s writing songs based on this moment. On his web site, he writes: “i’ve been waking up at 7am, assessing thoughts about the current state of the world and recklessly putting them into songs in 5 minutes and posting them to social media.” Check out his Instagram feed for choice gems, including “If Only Zelensky Had a Nice Suit.”

• At our neighborhood natural foods store, a table with a pile of rocks in the parking lot. “Welcome to our Kindness Rock Garden,” the sign says. An invitation to “take, share, or leave” or come back later in the week to decorate, pain and brushes provided.

• Last time I saw my friend Grace, whom I’ve written about here, she gave me a cutting of a Swedish ivy cutting that was gifted to her that was gifted to that person and so on. That Swedish Ivy, a fixture on the mantel in the Oval Office since the Kennedy administration, a gift from Ireland, the backdrop of photos of state visits for more than half a century, is now gone. Gilded golf trophies in its place.

  BUT! My cutting is taking off, especially with the extra hour of daylight. And soon come, I will pay some ivy forward. The ivy will not die, and neither will the remarkable heroism and contributions of the men and women of all races who fought to protect our country, no matter how this administration tries to erase them from the record books. As my friend Margot wrote in an email, “There are many ways to resist, and we must take advantage of every opportunity!”

• My friend Claudia is marking the first 100 days of this madness with a daily meditation. If that word freaks you out, don’t let it here; Claudia’s recordings are more of a conversation, like a bird who showed up in the yard with something to share, a few nuggets before she flies away. You can listen here.

Do you have a ray of light to share? Please do so in the comments. The more the merrier.